day 08 : someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

(weheartit)

There was one person who fit this description, but she has since been removed from my life. She was my high school best friend, and we had a lot in common. One thing we didn't share, however, was the way that she seemed to breed negativity. If there wasn't something negative about a situation, she would find a way to create drama. She wasn't happy if she wasn't in a fight with someone, or causing some sort of conflict. I was constantly being dragged into things that were completely inane. Classmates would ask me, "Why are you friends with her?". I would defend her, saying "You guys just don't know her very well... she's not always like that." Until I saw for myself last fall just how nasty she really was. She treated me like crap when I went out of my way to make her birthday special for her, and from that day I vowed to never make excuses for her again, and to stay as far away from her as possible.

It wasn't a forceful removal, in that I declared my desire to no longer have contact with her, but it was a slow and gradual adjustment. I never really told her how I felt about her, because I don't like to cause drama. We just stopped talking. I went from having one best friend to having none in a matter of weeks. The texts and phone calls dwindled, the friendly chatting at work stopped and became all business, and hanging out ceased. My attitude and outlook on life have improved so much since I removed her negative influence from the picture. I am happier.

day 07 : someone who has made your life worth living for

day 06 : something you hope you never have to do

The answer I first wanted to say for this was "die". I never want to die, ever. It's my greatest fear. But I have no choice, and we all have to die some day, so I decided that I would choose something that I can actually control.

I hope I never have to have children. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember, and I have plenty of reasons for it. People always tell me that I'm going to change my mind, that I'd love being a mother, but I know that I wouldn't. I just know it's not for me, the same way some people know they are meant to be moms. I don't like kids. They annoy me to no end and I feel awkward around them. I've been told it's different when they're your own kids, but I don't think it really is. You either like kids, or you don't.

I want to have the freedom to travel without the hassle of children, I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck in debt all of my life because I'm paying for tons of groceries, school tuition, etc. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I am afraid it would get worse with the weight I would gain when pregnant, and I would be in constant pain the entire time. I would be afraid that the child would have it, too. And finally, I am just too selfish to have a baby. I want to spend all my free time making my self happy, and I think having kids would get in the way of that.

So that's it. Now you know, I hate kids.

day 05 : something you hope to do in your life

In one word? TRAVEL! There are so many places I would love to visit in this big beautiful world. Here are some of them:

San Francisco

Banff

Paris

Greece

Italy

New Orleans

Hawaii

Amsterdam

India

...and I would love to go to Venezuela, again!

There are more places, surely, but these are my main destinations of interest. I hope to make it to most of them before I die! :)

In addition to traveling I would also like to get a degree in something (anything, I don't care... when I figure out what I want to be when I grow up), go skydiving, become fluent in Spanish, get a half sleeve, learn to play piano, become good at cooking, and stay married to Cade forever and ever, amen.

day 04 : something you have to forgive someone for

I have been wracking my brain for something to say for this prompt, and I really haven't been able to come up with a good response. Sure, I've been hurt by people many times. I don't try to dwell on these things. I used to think I was a person who held grudges, and to an extent I suppose that I still am, but for the life of me I can't think of a single grudge that I am holding right now.

If you hurt me bad enough, I guess I just stop caring, and let you go. I've had to do that with the girl who I thought was my best friend. I haven't spoken a word to her in almost a year, and life feels a lot better without her influence in it.

I guess I forgive her for being a shitty friend.
But I won't forget.

mazeltov!

Today I crocheted Bean a little yarmulke to celebrate his Jewish heritage. Except he isn't Jewish. Maybe next time I can make him a poncho.

day 03 : something you have to forgive yourself for

There are a lot of things that I have done in my life that I regret, in some way, but I wouldn't want to go back and change any of them. I know if anything changed, I may not be where I am right now. And even though where I am right now has its' ups and downs, I wouldn't want to have it any other way.

One thing, however, that I regret more than anything, is the time that I let another person get between me and Cade. I don't think I ever mentioned it on this blog, but two years ago, for about 3 months, Cade and I weren't together. Things in our relationship were not at their best. He was not listening to me when I asked him to stop playing video games so much, and he was making me miserable. I barely spoke to him at all while I was away over the summer in Venezuela, and then I broke up with him when I got back. I started dating another guy, and I was happy, until we broke up. I am extremely lucky that Cade was willing to take me back after what happened. I do believe that it was a big wake up call for us, to see exactly how our lives would be without each other. I would have regretted it forever if I hadn't tried to make things right between us, and I remember what happened every single day.

I still feel guilty for what happened, but it makes me value our relationship so much more, to know how fragile it really is.