Sunday, July 11, 2010
day 06 : something you hope you never have to do
The answer I first wanted to say for this was "die". I never want to die, ever. It's my greatest fear. But I have no choice, and we all have to die some day, so I decided that I would choose something that I can actually control.
I hope I never have to have children. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember, and I have plenty of reasons for it. People always tell me that I'm going to change my mind, that I'd love being a mother, but I know that I wouldn't. I just know it's not for me, the same way some people know they are meant to be moms. I don't like kids. They annoy me to no end and I feel awkward around them. I've been told it's different when they're your own kids, but I don't think it really is. You either like kids, or you don't.
I want to have the freedom to travel without the hassle of children, I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck in debt all of my life because I'm paying for tons of groceries, school tuition, etc. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I am afraid it would get worse with the weight I would gain when pregnant, and I would be in constant pain the entire time. I would be afraid that the child would have it, too. And finally, I am just too selfish to have a baby. I want to spend all my free time making my self happy, and I think having kids would get in the way of that.
So that's it. Now you know, I hate kids.