The answer I first wanted to say for this was "die". I never want to die, ever. It's my greatest fear. But I have no choice, and we all have to die some day, so I decided that I would choose something that I can actually control.
I hope I never have to have children. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember, and I have plenty of reasons for it. People always tell me that I'm going to change my mind, that I'd love being a mother, but I know that I wouldn't. I just know it's not for me, the same way some people know they are meant to be moms. I don't like kids. They annoy me to no end and I feel awkward around them. I've been told it's different when they're your own kids, but I don't think it really is. You either like kids, or you don't.
I want to have the freedom to travel without the hassle of children, I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck in debt all of my life because I'm paying for tons of groceries, school tuition, etc. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I am afraid it would get worse with the weight I would gain when pregnant, and I would be in constant pain the entire time. I would be afraid that the child would have it, too. And finally, I am just too selfish to have a baby. I want to spend all my free time making my self happy, and I think having kids would get in the way of that.
So that's it. Now you know, I hate kids.
OMG Emilie fate really threw you and me together! I never wanted kids either, and don't have any by choice. When my husband and I first got married he said he didn't need to have kids, but later for a brief time wanted kids. He happened to want them RIGHT during my worst pain from the elevator accident. I couldn't imagine lifting, holding, having a kid. I cried thinking about it. He almost convinced me, but in the end he didn't change my mind, and it was the worst time in our marriage. But now he's actually said to me he's happy we don't have kids. He admits the financial burden would have been daunting. Both he and I would make great parents, but we prefer to have peace in our life instead. I think for you if you're already battling arthritis pain throughout your day you have a perfect right to say "no" to kids. I don't view it as selfish at all. It's not selfish to want happiness in this life we have...and if leaving children out of the picture is how it needs to be done, then they should be left out.
ReplyDeleteI've known one woman in my life who hated me because I didn't have kids. She commented straight to my face that she believed me to be selfish for not having kids. I tried to tell her that there are a lot of paths we can take in this life, and I chose mine with a lot of thought...not just a selfish whim. But she simply didn't understand my view...she didn't know I grew up with a cruel mother, and from the age of 12 I knew I never wanted children. She didn’t know how many years of retail I worked (which lead me to believe all children were demons from hell). I should say that being away from retail helped me to find a place where I can LIKE kids now. I actually think big fat babies are cute. Anyway, I have NO doubt that my husband and I would make great parents. But I wanted to have peace and freedom in my life more. It’s simply a choice.
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ReplyDeleteI find it unfair that people don’t ask those WITH children “WHY did you have kids?” But they feel entitled to ask those WITHOUT why we don’t want kids, and deem us selfish for wanting to be happy. People with and without BOTH opt for happiness. Why can’t one choice be just as acceptable as the other? There are a lot of society strings out there pulling on women, who often don’t realize they have a choice. When I went to my 20 year reunion for high school, only HALF of my circle of girlfriends had children. Those that didn’t were JUST as happy as those that did. I found that wonderful.
I have to tell you Emilie it's pretty darn interesting how many women confide in me that "if they had it to do all over again, they never would have had kids"...then they hush me and make me swear never to tell their husbands. I mean it - it's ALARMING how many mothers say that to me. Those same mothers say how lucky I am for making that choice, and mostly wish they had peace, like I have. One gal got into my car one day and proclaimed how wonderfully CLEAN it was "without kid's sticky stuff all over the back seat." After hearing the "if only" speech so many times over the years, I have found that in fact these women need comforting about their choice. So, I quietly help them feel better about their choice. I try to remind them of what they can be grateful for with a child that I don't have...for instance- I don't have a little face in the rear view mirror telling me she loves me from the “sticky back seats.” You will have to learn to do this for other women too, Emilie. Try to remember to have sympathy for them when they give you the “if only” speech.
For a long time I didn’t have sympathy for those “if only” mothers, and got a little mad that SO many of them thought they could confide such a terrible thing to me. I think if I had any regret about not having a child, I would be as sad as they are, confiding in me they made the wrong choice. BOTH sides of the fence require serious conviction. If you can stay on one side and can be happy in your life without regrets…that’s your green pasture for life.
Love ya,
Sherilyn
I don't want kids too :I and I don't like them so much because I don't want to think that I'd have them some day, I'm not so proud of it but that is how I feel. This post stood out for me
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh! Good for you! Why, I wonder, do people feel their choices are the right ones for everyone? We are all so different and in voice say to celebrate and tolerate differences, but when it comes to some choices it is okay to tell others how they should feel? Puhleeze! Why would you have a kid if you don't want one? Oh, if only the millions who did had made that choice our world would be better off.
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